De--ployed

I've been shamed into writing. A friend (thanks Sam) convinced me I should try this, during an online chat, just before I left on this current deployment. I started writing at the airport, before I was rudely interrupted by my flight being called. I promptly forgot (sort of) all about it, but after Sam not-so-gently reminded me with an e-mail from Albania telling me that this space was E M P T Y, I had to get her off my back...for those of you that will bother reading it, I welcome your comments (snide, cruel or otherwise).

Alas, I too am back on foreign shores, this time in Kyrgyzstan (Kyrgyzia or Kirgisien to some of you). I think it might be a really beautiful country. Maybe I'll even find out one of these days, once they let us off the base without the current minimum of 874 hours notice in a minimum group of 132 individuals, at least one tank, and with authorization signatures by God and Peter only, biometrically verified in triplicate please.

It's ok, though, nobody can get in, either. Well, they can, just a few restrictions, for our safety, of course. People with blond hair are generally not admitted unless they can prove that they are natural blondes. I think they do DNA tests or something, the other type of physical proof is considered morally unacceptable (there was this rumor that with Bush's departure, this might change, but no luck so far). Seriously, though, the security is very very good. The other day, just after my massage, I was sitting here, drinking my evening spiced chai latte, when all of a sudden, a senior individual was kind enough to walk up to me just to tell me that the cold-weather scarf is worn inside the jacket collar, not outside, otherwise, it could get caught in the cappucino machine and cause untold havoc and possibly serious injury. I was gently reminded that I have to lead by example. Have to watch out for those suicidal scarves when they get close to the Kyrgyz cappucino machines....yes Tom, even on base. You never know, there may be a secret non-natural blonde among the staff...

I was already down here during President Obama's inauguration. Sitting in a big tent with a bunch of Albanian Mafia look-alikes (the new Air Force PT uniform, definitely a crowd pleaser, it even glows in the dark. No I'm not kidding. Think safety, always). There was what sounded like a gentle breeze (it was actually our track suits that make this swish-swish sound when we walk, sort of like fat people whose thighs rub together, just louder), very emotional. The ceremony was on this huge 10x10 meter screen, and everything was very moving. Well, the screen was, they hadn't stabilized it very well. Honestly, though, I was moved. Especially when they played the national anthem, and somebody yelled STAND UP, YOU JERKS.

But I like President Obama, honestly. I won two bets in Ethiopia (each for a bottle of single malt scotch) because Obama got elected. Some people didn't think this could happen in America, even today (Amsalu & Major Alemseged, that's you, you know who you are, you owe me a bottle each on my next trip to Addis). For reasons of diplomacy, I couldn't admit it last summer, but I always knew Barack Hussein would win. I like and strongly admire John McCain for everything he's done for his country, but....John, you're too old for this.

Things have certainly changed since Obama came to power. Until the inauguration, my foreign friends were mostly embarrassed to talk to me about Bush. They didn't want to offend me. I always thought that was nice. Now, it's different. They are still embarrassed, because as intellectuals, they don't want to show the emotional level, show how much they really like Obama, and how much they really hope that he can fix the world, or at least get them a new job. I mean, don't get me wrong, the newspapers etc. are doing their jobs, so everyone is already tripping about "we can't expect too much, there are really a lot of problems, and he's just one man, and U.S. policy won't change etc." but deep in their secret hearts, I think people really do hope that President Obama will work miracles (please please please, save the world). We'll see. I'm quite worried. I do believe that if anyone can pull off this stunt of making America and the world believe in themselves again, it's him. But it's a very tall order.

Anyways, if Barack Hussein can't do it, I vote for Ahmadinejad. The dude is a master of the frenzied masses, he can obviously convince himself of anything, so why not? I mean, it can't be easy being being that comically self-delusional, there has to be a genius somewhere in there. If Barack Hussein can't pull it off, I think we should give old Mahmoud a chance at running the world for a while. You know, put him in the White House. What's he gonna do? Ok, he'll outlaw ties, but then he'll make the full-body hejab mandatory for the ladies, think of all the jobs he'd create in obese America's textile industry. Ok, maybe not.

I'm rambling. Writing is hard. It appears you have to have a plan. And a title that fits. This one doesn't. De--ployed. The thought was, there is no American ploy to take over the world. Honest. Even with thousands of me deployed, we couldn't do it. We're too nice. Except when we overcompensate. When that happens, it's because there's stupidity at the top, which doesn't bode well for world domination either. So either way, no way. A friend once said "if we're really out for world domination, it's sure as hell gonna be a better kind of world domination than any previous attempts" (Hi Glenn). Well, we're not. We're either too smart, or too stupid, to pull it off. We just got done with 8 years of stupid, so for now, we'll do smart for a while.

As for moi, I'm going to bed.

Peace & love to all. And cookies.